I Use To Care About People’s Opinions of Me
Once upon a time, before 46 years ago, to be exact, I use to care about the opinions that other people had of me. So much so that I let those opinions define me. I was so wrapped up in letting those opinions define me that I, literally, became who I needed to be to be around the people I was around. This meant changing into a different person whenever I got around another person. At one point I became 18 to 25 different people. All 18 to 25 of “me” were NOT me. In 1972, I stopped caring, because at the end of the day, no matter who I was, it was never good enough, and I had no clue who I really was. The real me got lost. I hit a point of “If you like me, great. If you don’t like me f you, I don’t need you”. Since I gave my life to the Lord I’ve modified that to “If you like me, great, If you don’t, that’s your loss and your problem”.
My Journey to Know Me
In 1972, I set out to find me. I did not like any of the 18 to 25 of me that I had adopted as me. It took me a long time to understand that the reason I didn’t like those “me” was because 1) They weren’t me, 2) They represented things in life that I just do not like. It took me 17 years to find me, all the while not liking myself or my own company and constantly seeking other people to be around. Not necessarily interacting with them or being part of a “group”, just being around them. Riding the bus for no particular reason, going no place in particular was a really great way to do that. I did that a lot. Even got a job driving a bus so I could do so for free.
I Finally Found Me
At the end of my first semester of college I finally found myself. It was actually a bit of an epiphany for me. It started with my final grades for the first semester where I made the Honor Roll. I hadn’t done that since my first semester in the 10th grade. I realized then that I had, back in the 10th grade, bought into the “you’re stupid”, “you’ll never amount to anything”, “you’re….” this and that (all negative). That up until I decided to look for me, I had become what everyone was telling me I was. I had dumbed myself down too far, and buried myself. My first semester in College brought me back up to the surface from the very deep pit I had buried myself in.
Stupid People Do Not Make The Honor Roll
This was the first thought I had when I looked at me final grade for the semester. A GPA of 3.15 isn’t a 4.0, but it’s not the sign of stupid person either. I honestly hadn’t tried very hard that semester. My initial reason for going back to school was to get off the on welfare of welfare, back on it again cycle that I had been stuck in since I left my first husband. Looking at my grades, I thought…I can do better than this. I’m not stupid or worthless. I have value. So for the next 4 semesters, I tried harder.
Trying Harder Does Not Work For Me
I had five semesters to go before I graduated when I got that first set of grades. For the next three regular semesters I tried harder. One of those semesters was a summer course that I aced with a 4.0 because computer language is logical and logic always comes easy to me, but I needed the course for the direction I had decided to go after changing my major twice. What happened during the three semesters that I tried harder was my GPA went down. I stayed on the Honor Roll, but each semester, I tried harder, and each semester my GPA went down. The last semester I tried harder, it was at a 3.11. Nothing to sneeze at, but it wasn’t my goal. My fifth and final semester, I didn’t try, I just did it. BINGO…4.0 GPA.
Not Trying, Just Doing Does Work For Me
Then it clicked…don’t try, just do. From that moment on, that has been my approach to everything I do. From that moment on, I had a much better idea of who I was, who I wanted to be, what I wanted to do. I achieved most of what I wanted to do. I like my own company, and have gotten to the point where I actually prefer to be alone. It’s less stressful, and the older I get the more I detest stress, and as a general rule will even go out of my way to avoid it.
As I Approach My 60th Birthday
I’ve had all kinds of stress triggers for the majority of my life. Some from outside influences (as previously mentioned), some self induced (some as previously mentioned some I am not going to mention, as at the moment they do not matter).
Being in a position to control what I allow to stress me out and what I do not has become a luxury, finally, at this stage in my life, that I hold very dear. However, there appears, as I’ve learned over the last 6 months, times when I just cannot avoid them. Yesterday was, unfortunately, one of those days.
Generally, I Choose To Be Passive-Aggressive
I really prefer to be Passive. Much less stressful. But there are times a certain amount of aggressiveness or assertiveness is required. In those cases Passive-Aggressive works for me. But I’ve also just recently learned, there are times where some people see my Passive-Aggressiveness as making me easy prey to their behaviors towards me as permission to behave toward me the way they do. That I am somehow just going to keep taking it.
We All Have A Breaking Point
I hit mine yesterday. If I had actually been talking to this person, her responding for a grown adult that can speak for themselves, in the disrespectful manner that she did wouldn’t have irritated me so much, maybe, and I could have remained passive-aggressive with this person. When she said “Jesus Christ” the same way people say GD, I lost it. Passive anything was gone. Honestly, I am surprised that I was able to keep it at “Don’t say that” as nicely as I did. Yes, you can say “Jesus Christ” like you are talking to Him any time you want to, I don’t have a problem with that…but when you say it like people say GD, I do have a problem with it. It’s not as common in my world lately, as people who use God’s name like His last name is Damn, so I haven’t come up with a clever way to tell people not to do it (with GD it’s “God’s last name is not Damn), but in as much as I tell people not to say GD around me, I’m not going to hesitate to tell you not to use Jesus Christ in the same manner. That’s ONE.
Your Opinion of Me Does NOT Define Me
This is TWO. I really do not care if you like me or not. That is your choice, based on your own warped biases, ability to hold an unnecessary grudge (I got over the issue a long time ago, in spite of the fact that your disrespect of me was a thousand times greater than the disrespect you thought I was giving you. I cannot help it that you chose to not listen because of your perceived lofty opinion of yourself and who you think you are to me).
You are not my family. You are not my friend. You do not like me. Boo hoo…NOT. I tried to be your friend, in a place where you had none at the time. I tolerated you. But I also watched and listened. I paid attention. I saw you for who you really are. (I just have an uncanny ability to do that.) I am not evenly remotely fooled by the false front you put on around other people. I think that is what makes you not like me. I am perfectly okay with that. I do not like people who are fake anyway, and you, lady, are the most fake person I have ever come across in all of my nearly 60 years. I have absolutely no reason to, nor would I anyway, to kiss up to you. You have nothing I want or need.
You do not pay my bills. You do not do anything for me but annoy me. I intentionally stay in my room when you come over (uninvited, by the way and without warning which is just plain rude). I avoid you to avoid the annoyance. You can chose to believe whatever you want to about me, based on basically nothing. It really does not bother me. I find it hilariously funny. Why? Because it is not me. I know it is not me. People who really know me, and even many who do not know me that well, but better than you do, know it is not me. There are people that know less about me than you do, know that is not me. But the real bottom line is God knows that is not me, and honestly, His opinion of me is all that is going to matter come my day of Judgement. Yours will not.
As To Your Verbalized Physical Threats
Lady, you better hope the next time you try to get in my face like you did yesterday (twice) there is always someone standing in between us or in close proximity that they could get potentially hurt. If there is not, I promise you, I will not hesitate to knock your cocky, self-important, overly inflated ego out cold. You may think I’m not strong enough. But that just goes to show, you really do not know me. If I can knock a full grown 6′ 8″ very buff man out cold and send him flying up four feet and back six feet, when I’m stone cold drunk, you cream puff, are a piece of cake, even in my current physical condition.
Lastly, Stay The Hell Out of Business That Does Not Concern You
I would not have been downstairs yesterday, at all, had I not been asked to come down and fix something, partly because I knew you were here (though why you could not be all loud and excited in your own home instead of someone else’s home is beyond me, but it was enough to let me know that you were here), but mostly because I did not have a need to. The person I was talking to is perfectly capable of speaking for herself. If I am not speaking to you (which I do try very hard not to do, because I do not like you), do not speak to me. You do not know how or just choose to not be civil with me (I know it is the latter), in spite of your distaste for me, so just do not speak to me at all. The saying goes: “If you cannot say something nice, do not say it at all”. I’m telling you just do not speak to me at all and I will show you the same courtesy (which I was already showing you to begin with).
In Short
You cream puff are not worthy to be my peer. You and your opinion do not matter to me, even a little.
From The Adventures of T Counce 